Paste-bored?

Should that title read “where does one muck his discards?” or is that a different thing?

All this mechanic slang about slugs and mucks and stacks and lights and pegs and shade and juice and culls and overhand shuffles (the most complex of all) gets me both aroused and enraged. As with any language, new words are simply created from derivations or suitable syllables, and then repeated enough times for others to start using it. Thus, the infection spreads. We have Shakespeare to thank for many of the gorgeous intricacies the English language presents for us, so who do we thank for the interesting slang that emerges from the world of the card table? Somewhere in history, did a Jacobean fop learn to muck cards? I, for one, certainly hope so.

Anyway, from now on, I think I’ll make up words occasionally. Why not? (because.) Could be interesting to read (it won’t). They might stick (They won’t).

Main body of this post is a simple lesson.

Whilst playing a swift game of cards, I noticed one particular pesky player was playing heavy and holding out. The held out cards were stashed in the pocket of the jeans, crumpled and painfully obvious. When it came to his deal, he elevated the held out card onto the bottom of the deck for the shuffle. INGENIOUS!… wait… wait… no. Not ingenious. Bloody stupid.

I hear this fella is quite the poker champion on his pub circuit, and now we know why. Intoxicated people don’t notice someone holding their cards underneath the table and two pairs happening practically every single hand.

The irony is, if he had left the card palmed in his hand, I doubt I would have noticed. The added “security” of the pocket was ultimately a counter-productive measure.

So, kids, never hold out cards in your pockets. It will get you in hot water, as it got this fella in. A simple deck count is enough to get you sweating amusingly. And when you do miraculously find the card on the floor, six feet from the table, its crumpled state will be a precursor for your health.

–Arthur—

Play safe